the journal

this past weekend i took another hiking trip. i was excited for this trip because it was the scheduled time i had put aside for some serious me time. it was expected to be hot and muggy and so i got up early and headed south about three hours. one of the things i am learning to enjoy about going hiking is that many times you just have to go with the flow. i came prepared with a few bottles of water and a snack or two just in case i become 'directionally challenged' - which apparently happens to me - and off i went.  the first particular leg of this hike took me to an area called the hidden falls. it was busy with young families so i decided i would stop on my way back. i took off into the wilderness and founds some signs that told me beaver trail went thata way!  the area was beautiful. it was surrounded by large, overgrown trees with lots of shade. a ravine that ran through to the falls. rolling hills that added some extra sweat to my brow! it was gorgeous. but i kept trippin...

transformations are always fun to see.  when i think of transformations i tend to think of something physical. losing weight. gaining muscle. straightening teeth... last week, i got my braces off. it was a long 20 months of sore teeth, scarred cheeks, not being able to floss faithfully (oops), and rubber bands. i have had braces a few times, but y teeth never seemed to stay straight. then i turned 46 and decided now was the time...i simply wanted straight teeth and i was going to do whatever i needed to get those straight teeth. and so i went and got a consultation. and found out what was entailed with the process (and the price!).  the orthodontist said there was more that he could solve than just the straight teeth. i wasn't really interested in doing anymore than straightening them. but as we chatted, it kinda made sense to correct my bite at the same time. i didn't have much faith anything would happen except for the straightening.  after about one - three weeks, my d...

what would I say to my younger self? the 23-year-old me. just coming out of college with the world at my fingertips. finding my first job. not many worries on my plate. just new and exciting things to learn and move through. balancing a social life,  friends, job, and boys. it was new and exciting.  fast forward 25 years and here i sit wondering at what point did i become scared to make mistakes? when did I worry about choosing the right or wrong path?  dear younger me:  i wish you would have known there is no correct path for living life. the path YOU choose is  the path that will take you on the most incredible ride of your life. the path YOU choose is not a right or wrong choice. make your decisions with confidence and pride.  so...dance in the rain. work hard. embrace the hard decisions. be kind. say i love you. sing with the windows down because it messes up your hair. love like you will never get hurt. don't ever apologize for who you are or what you ...

for months, i have been waiting for the day my daughter would take her drivers license test. i literally had a count down of how many more days i would have to take her to and from school. she turned 16 on january 12 but i wasn't able to get her in for the test until late February. a couple of weeks ago i happened to go online and found an opening for a test....for January 21. we had exactly 7 days to really work with her on parking and all those other things she needed to know before the big day. during those 7 days i also asked anyone who would listen, to pray that she would pass her test. i. needed. her. to. pass. that test!  the day came and we were both a bundle of nerves. based on the feedback from the instructor, we weren't sure she was going to pass...but...she DID! i had never felt such a sense of relief for both her and me. she was a licensed driver. i was so proud and nervous and sad and relieved and happy and scared and well, you get the picture. she dropped me off ...

Well, here we are. the end of another year. reminds me of a phrase that you may have heard..."where does the time go". it is a very valid phrase and yet hearing it as much as i do, i realize how fast time really does fly by. it seems like yesterday, i was trying to figure out how to get my newborn (soon to be 16 year old!) to stop crying. it literally feels like yesterday.  at the end of each year, i like to set some time aside to reflect on the last 365 days. to remember the good. to look back at accomplishments (albeit they did not always start as accomplishments). to learn or relearn from mistakes. to appreciate the lessons that were given to me. to see and feel the scars from when broken. to be thankful for whatever those "lessons" were and the people in my life who helped transform and watch me blossom into who i have become. in my previous post, i shared what my reflections were for 2021. this week i spent a lot of time thinking about what i want going forward...

2021 has been a very complex year. a year of change. such highs and lows. so. many. feelings. i have never felt so hurt or so loved. so full of joy and full of pain at the same time. this year has been one of the most emotionally challenging years in a very long time. when i made the decision to move out of the house last year, it was one of the most freeing decisions i have ever made. and it was also one of the darkest moments of my life.  other than the grief of losing my family members, this ranked right up there as the scariest, one of the most emotional decisions i have ever made. the thing is, it was my decision. it was not my decision to lose my family members but this....moving out and changing the family dynamic was my choice and it was hard. it was harder than hard. the guilt i felt was unreal. but every step forward i made, the knot in my stomach loosened until finally it was gone.  rather than spend time recalling the negative that happened, i want to focus on the ...