the journal

for months, i have been waiting for the day my daughter would take her drivers license test. i literally had a count down of how many more days i would have to take her to and from school. she turned 16 on january 12 but i wasn't able to get her in for the test until late February. a couple of weeks ago i happened to go online and found an opening for a test....for January 21. we had exactly 7 days to really work with her on parking and all those other things she needed to know before the big day. during those 7 days i also asked anyone who would listen, to pray that she would pass her test. i. needed. her. to. pass. that test!  the day came and we were both a bundle of nerves. based on the feedback from the instructor, we weren't sure she was going to pass...but...she DID! i had never felt such a sense of relief for both her and me. she was a licensed driver. i was so proud and nervous and sad and relieved and happy and scared and well, you get the picture. she dropped me off ...

Well, here we are. the end of another year. reminds me of a phrase that you may have heard..."where does the time go". it is a very valid phrase and yet hearing it as much as i do, i realize how fast time really does fly by. it seems like yesterday, i was trying to figure out how to get my newborn (soon to be 16 year old!) to stop crying. it literally feels like yesterday.  at the end of each year, i like to set some time aside to reflect on the last 365 days. to remember the good. to look back at accomplishments (albeit they did not always start as accomplishments). to learn or relearn from mistakes. to appreciate the lessons that were given to me. to see and feel the scars from when broken. to be thankful for whatever those "lessons" were and the people in my life who helped transform and watch me blossom into who i have become. in my previous post, i shared what my reflections were for 2021. this week i spent a lot of time thinking about what i want going forward...

2021 has been a very complex year. a year of change. such highs and lows. so. many. feelings. i have never felt so hurt or so loved. so full of joy and full of pain at the same time. this year has been one of the most emotionally challenging years in a very long time. when i made the decision to move out of the house last year, it was one of the most freeing decisions i have ever made. and it was also one of the darkest moments of my life.  other than the grief of losing my family members, this ranked right up there as the scariest, one of the most emotional decisions i have ever made. the thing is, it was my decision. it was not my decision to lose my family members but this....moving out and changing the family dynamic was my choice and it was hard. it was harder than hard. the guilt i felt was unreal. but every step forward i made, the knot in my stomach loosened until finally it was gone.  rather than spend time recalling the negative that happened, i want to focus on the ...