when life gives you lemons...

there is no way I could have known how hard this year would be when i chose "hard" as my word for 2023. one of my previous posts included a list of hard things to accomplish by the end of this year. when i created the list, it was more of a goal list or things to accomplish list and to just do hard things. i am the type of a person if i am not able to complete something it really bothers me. My fear is that i failed by not actually completing the list. i vowed to myself that i would be flexible, not knowing what that meant. 

as the year went on, boy did that list change. "hard" things i couldn't even imagine happening to me, and yet knowing and trusting each "hard" thing is part of a bigger plan. God's plan.

my hardest hard in 2023 was being fired from a job. i can't even really say why. all i know is six months prior things started to change. physically, i was suffering from headaches and knots in my stomach. Stress was at an all-time high, and quite frankly, i didn't like who i was. i made the decision to leave myself by a specific date, however, the decision was made for me earlier than my intentions.

there were many feelings that went with this "hard". i wasn't able to have closure with the people i chose to. i had to deal with the loss of a job and part of my identity. i was embarrassed and full of shame. getting fired was humiliating and in a matter of a few minutes, i was lost. 

it has been a few months and i have had time to process. i absolutely know this "hard" has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. i am calm, i accepted what happened, and trusted God had a plan for me. i have had more time with my girl, extra opportunities to spend in nature, and focus on myself and what i am looking for.

we all know life is hard. but life is good too. really, really, really good!